Beautiful
by HomelessRomantic
Summary: What if Lily never loved James? What if she was in love- with Sirius? She had her reasons, and later she had her guilt... Rated PG-13 for mild sexual references.
1. Lily

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the character's in this story, mwahahahaha. So back off and don't sue me.

**Beautiful**

By **HomelessRomantic**

**Summary: **What if Lily never loved James? What if she was in love- with Sirius? She had her reasons, and later she had her guilt... Rated PG-13 for mild sexual references.

Chapter One: Lily

Lily stared up at the dark ceiling. Harry had finally gone to sleep, and the house was quiet. She fingered the ring on her finger, and slipped it off. Holding it up, the moonlight caught the silver, and winked at her. It was a beautiful ring, finest goblin silver, encrusted with shining diamonds. To be honest, this ring was one of the only reasons she married James. Of course, she would never tell _him _that. At the moment, James was gone. Without him there, she felt free to think forbidden thoughts. It was she was afraid he could read her mind. But now, in solitude, her thoughts strayed to who she _truly _loved. Sirius.

Throwing her covers back, she slipped out of bed and over to the mirror, staring at her shadowed reflection. She pictured him by her side. Sirius, with his arm around her. Sirius, coming closer and closer to her for a kiss... a pang of guilt caused her fantasy to fade before Sirius was able to kiss her fully. Lily groaned. She was married, and she must think of Harry... and James loved her. She signed and lifted her face back up to the mirror. She was wearing a short silk nightgown, for a horrible secret.

Tonight was Friday, the night James worked really late, and sometimes not coming home till morning... she was hoping to be paid a visit. she walked to the kitchen, nightgown whispering around her thighs. Fetching a cup of water, she sat by the window and waited. She thought longingly of before she had obligations to James, back in sixth year...

Clutching her books to her chest, Lily ran across the grounds to the castle. In her hand she grasped a note from Sirius. He had given it to her in herbology, and she was burning to read it. Taking shelter in the shadows of the castle, Lily opened the letter and read it.

_Lily, how about skipping transfiguration? I'll be waiting behind the Whomping Willow. _

_ -Sirius_

Lily grinned. Of _course _she would skip transfiguration for Sirius. She folded it up and made her way to history of magic. Sitting there, waiting for the next hour was torture. Why couldn't Sirius have picked this class to skip? Apprehensive, she perched on the edge of her chair. Her friend Alice seemed the only one to notice her unusual behavior.

"Lily, pay attention. It's your turn to take notes today." Lily hardly heard her. At long last, the class was over, and Lily raced to the outside grounds, the Whomping Willow, and most importantly, Sirius.

Panting, she reached the Whomping Willow, and dodged around it. Sirius wasn't there yet, and Lily hoped he would get there soon. She shivered, more from nerves than anything. There was a rustle behind her... was that a shadow? Then something touched her shoulder. She squeaked and turned to face Sirius. She let out a nervous laugh. "Oh, it's you."

"Who else?" He smiled, and Lily melted. Maybe she could fake a faint, and he could catch her, and she would open her eyes and gaze into his-

"Lily? Are you okay?"

She smiled, and nodded dumbly. He gave her a concerned look. She smiled bigger and he laughed when his sexy laugh that she loved. Cocking a dreamy half-smile he led her away from the Whomping Willow and into the forbidden forest. After about 50 paces, he stopped and took her hands. "I'm glad you came." He whispered. "I was worried you wouldn't come." She turned to him.

"And why wouldn't I?"

"I thought you liked James."

"Oh, no... Not James..."

He smiled, and pulled her closer. "James likes you."

"I've noticed, but I like you." Even closer. A nervous shudder ran down her spine. His eyes were so hot, she just wanted to stay there and stare into them forever. He pulled her ever closer yet. So close, they were touching. This was the moment she thought about every night before she went to bed. It didn't seem impossible, but they moved still closer. This was all so sudden and unexpected. It was wondrous. His face was coming down closer to hers, and she brought hers up to his. It seemed like an eternity before they came together, but finally their lips touched, and Lily was lost in a kiss even better than her fantasies. If she thought the sweet seconds before the embrace were long, the kiss seemed like forever. Eventually, with slight reluctance, they pulled apart. She smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"Is that all?" She whispered, teasingly.

"Not if you want more," he replied, and they kissed again and again. Every time seemed better than before. It was so magical to Lily; she never thought it would actually be over. But it was, and it seemed so horrible that it was coming to an end. Sirius had pushed her against a tree and was reaching for the buttons on her blouse, when people began spilling out of the castle for their next classes. Despite the tree's of the forest, they knew it was over for then. Sirius swore.

"I have to go to my next class, or it's a detention for me. Damn." He let go of her hands.

"You couldn't miss the next class?" Lily whispered urgently.

"Nope. We will get there soon enough, Beautiful." Lily secretly thought that detention would be a fair price to pay for the sweet seduction that was ahead.

She picked up her books and walked with Sirius out of the forest. "I'll escort you to your next class." Sirius made a mock bow and held out his arm. "M'dear?" Once again he cocked that smile, and Lily took his arm. They made their way up to the castle, Lily feeling weak at the knees. Every now and then she would glance up to see him gazing fondly at her, and she would bashfully turn away.

All too soon, they stopped outside of Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, and she was forced to break away from him. He smiled with his eyes.

"Like I said, it'll happen, Beautiful." He bowed again and walked away. For Lily, the rest of the day passed in a daze. She floated from class to class, thinking, _He called me beautiful... twice. _She skipped supper and went straight up to her dormitory, and then collapsed on her bed. She didn't even bother changing... all through the night; her sleep flew in and out of fantasies and dreams of what almost was.

Staring out the window, Lily smiled faintly at this memory. It never did happen. Not until later, Lily was sorry to admit. When it finally did happen, it was... on her wedding night. The ceremony was over; all the food had been magicked on to the tables. Lily was feeling very hot and thirsty...

Sirius came up behind Lily and poked her. "Congratulations, Beautiful," he said softly. She blushed and turned away.

"I'm sorry... he just asked me, and well... I don't know, I-" she turned to him to see his eyes and that smile he always saved for her. "Oh, Sirius. Don't do this to me. I still do love you. Don't make it so hard." She turned around and took a strawberry from a bowl, trying to signal him that the conversation was over. Biting into it, she turned back around, to find Sirius still staring at her. He took the half-eaten strawberry from her hand and ate the rest.

"So, Beautiful, what plans for the honeymoon?"

"No honeymoon. We're too busy."

"Maybe _we _could hook up some time."

"Please, Sirius. James is coming over. Save it, please!" He walked away, and James came up to her.

"How are you doing, Lilylove?" He pushed some hair behind her ears. Lilylove was his nickname for her. Where he got it, Lily didn't know, but she liked Beautiful better. James smiled at her. Just his normal smile and Lily averted her eyes so he couldn't see her guilt. "You aren't very happy; it seems... what's wrong?" James took her chin in his hands.

"Of course I'm happy, James. Leave it be," she said quickly.

"Alright, Lilylove. I'm going to go mingle with the guests." He left Lily standing there. she looked up to see Sirius disappear around a corner. Lifting her skirts, she ran after him, turning the corner to face him right there in front of her.

"I knew you would come, Beautiful. You always do..." he said lovingly.

"Is it me," Lily said breathlessly, "or does the temperature in this room make you horny, too?" He raised his eyebrows.

"It never happened, Sirius, and I waited for the longest time. I'm ready." Sirius sighed.

"It's not just you, Beautiful, but think of James..."

"I am, and I don't care." Lily was becoming impatient. "Come on!"

"Alright, Beautiful, you win. Just hold a sec." He peered out of the hallway. Then he grabbed her and they slipped into the nearest broomstick closet they could find. Lily lost herself in his arms.

When they finally stepped out of the closet, secrets burned on their faces. Turning around the corner, they ran into Dumbledore. Lily caught her breath. Dumbledore just stood there looking at both of them for a second, and then he looked at Sirius. "Don't think I don't know, Sirius, but you may go. Lily, I would like to have a word with you." Sirius reluctantly left Lily and Dumbledore. Once he left, Dumbledore turned to Lily. "I would have thought you would have more respect for James. He loves you, Lily, very much, and I have seen it. I understand you love Sirius, but if you only knew..."

Lily felt mixed up. How did he know...?

"Lily, it's in your eyes," Dumbledore answered for her thoughts. "Dwell on this, and you'll see in time." He walked away leaving a very confused Lily behind him.

Even now, Lily sat there waiting for Sirius, despite what Dumbledore said. She heard a scratching at the door, and jumped up to open it. Fumbling the lock, she wrenched it open and stared down at the black dog looking up at her with sad eyes. "You poor thing." Lily said, opening the door wider. "Come in, you must be hungry."

She turned to close and lock the door, and when she turned back it was Sirius standing there instead of the dog. She had hardly ever done anything like this with James... which meant, of course, that Harry was mostly likely Sirius' son...

Sirius put his arms around her shoulders and kissed her. This was always how it started. Lily let one strap on her nightgown fall off her shoulder. Sirius broke away.

"How's it tonight, Beautiful?" He asked with a grin.

"Wonderful, as usual," Lily replied. They kissed some more, and Sirius led her back to the bedroom. After a while, at the peak of night, Sirius and Lily lay side by side. Then, there was a crack.

"It's James! Sirius, go!" Sirius grabbed his clothes and looked at her.

"I'll see you later, Beautiful." He disappeared and left Lily to fling on her nightgown and her robe. James burst into the room.

"Lily, he's coming. Voldemort's coming. Take Harry, go... Lily..." The nightmare she had pictured was happening. HE knew where they were. She ran to James.

"Are you sure? James..."

"Just go." Lily turned and ran toward Harry's room. James grabbed her arm. Thoughts and confessions flew through her head. Why today...?

"Lily..." the look in James' eyes was too much to bear. "Lily... I know everything... and I want you to know, it doesn't matter to me. I just wished you could love me like you love him... because I love you so much. I do." And Lily's heart broke. The door burst open. "Lily! Go!" Lily ran to Harry's room, and sobbing, cradled him in her arms. She heard crashes and glass shattering. Laughter and yells. Reaching into her robe, Lily pulled out her wand and put Harry into the corner. There was a thud and she saw James fall in front of the door, as if in slow motion. The scream of "No!" had barely left her mouth when Voldemort stepped in.

"I'm here for the child. Stand aside or I will kill you. You don't want that, do you?" Lily felt numb. She stared at James lifeless eyes, then back up to Voldemort's glowing red ones.

"Yes, I do want that." Voldemort pointed his wand at Harry, and a spell shot out of it. Lily tore across the room with a screech and pulled Harry out of the way.

"Stand aside, or I kill you." Lily was shaking with fury. She raised her head.

"No." She whispered. "No. You have taken it all from me, and I won't let you take the last piece of my heart for your sick purposes. I value Harry's life more than my own." She raised her eyes to his face. "Kill me now." And in the split second before she died, it was not Sirius's sexy eyes or his half smile or his whisper of "Beautiful" that fluttered through her mind. It was James eyes, sadly staring at her, so broken and understanding of her treachery. It was his words of "I love you" that echoed in her mind before there was a flash of light, and she was floating away.

**A/N: **Thanks for reading! Please review, I want to know if you like it .

Should I post the next chappie, or just not bother?


	2. Sirius

Disclaimer: I don't own nothing. . That's not grammatically correct… deal with it.

**Chapter 2: Sirius**

Sirius apparated back to his house. Stumbling across the room he let out a groan of relief. If James ever found out that he was having an affair with his wife… James would be heartbroken. Sirius felt a pang of guilt. I should really go check on Lily, he thought. In the end, Sirius decided to wait a few minutes before going back to the Potter's. He could just say it was for a visit, a check upon how things were. He changed and smoothed back his hair, calmly as if all was well. To buy more time, Sirius decided to take his motorbike over to their house instead of apparating.

Stepping outside, he drew back the cover over the bike, started it up, and swung himself on. He blasted into the air, feeling the ground leave beneath him. It was only about a ten minute ride, but when he arrived there, he thought he had taken a wrong turn. The house was in ashes, this couldn't be right.

"Lily… James…" There was something over on the ground. Sirius ran forward and picked it up. It glinted, a silver ring with diamonds around the diameter. Lily's ring. "This isn't right…"

Sirius felt twisted. Was this his fault? What had happened? He saw movement up ahead. "Lily?"

No. It was Hagrid, but Sirius was glad to see anyone. Hagrid stumped over to him. "'Ello Black, 'eard the news, did ye?"

"What… news?" Sirius choked out.

"You-know-who found them tonight. All gone, dead an' gone. Lily and James. But little 'Arry…" Sirius stumbled backward. This couldn't happen. Not now.

"And what of Harry, Hagrid?" Hagrid held out a bundle of cloth.

"'E's 'ere, good as anythin'. An' You-Know-Who is gone. For good. Not quite sure why, though..."

"Lily and James…"

"Gone." Sirius sat down, mind buzzing. This was too much. Just too much. But Harry was alive… "Hagrid let me take Harry. Please, he's my so- my godson. He's all I have now."

"Sorry Black, there's nothing' I can do. I got me orders direct from Dumbledore, I did." Sirius felt tears. He had never cried in his life, but now he was close.

"I'm sorry, Black. It will all be alrigh' in the end, you'll see."

"Take my bike, Hagrid. You'll get there faster, and I don't need it."

"You sure? Are you alrigh', Black?"

"Leave me. Take the damn bike."

"Alrigh', Sirius." Hagrid took the bike and stepped over it. His weight made it look as though it were about to break. "See you aroun', Black."

"Yes, alright." Sirius felt weak and shocked. This was too horrible. Not possible. He stood and watched Hagrid fly away with the last heartstring Sirius had. Suddenly, anger flared, wiping out disbelief. He let out a howl of pain and rage and collapsed back to the ground, crying like never before. All gone, and James never knew of Sirius' lies and deceit. Sirius felt weak and helpless. He closed his eyes to relax into memories. The first time he kissed Lily. The first time he lied to James… that was when James was going out with Lily… Sirius had never told James about him and Lily. They just kept going on their little outings in all the hidden places they could find…

In the middle of Defense Against the Dark Arts, Lily was toying with Sirius' hair. He stretched his arms out and rested one across her shoulders. James eyes Sirius warily. "You know I'm going to ask her, don't win her before me, please?" Sirius nodded and casually let his arm fall off her shoulders. After class, James followed Lily down the corridor and took her arm.

"Lily… would you maybe… I mean, well, gosh… this is hard. Would you, maybe, go out with me, sometime, maybe…please?" Lily looked up. Sirius casually tilted his head to indicate her to say yes.

"Of course." She smiled, and James seemed to wilt with relief. "I'll see you tomorrow." James twitched his head slightly, then dodged around the corner and down the stairs. Sirius lifted himself from his haven in the corner and walked over to Lily.

"Today, History of Magic?" He said lightly.

"I thought you wouldn't ask." She giggled and ran back down the corridor to the dungeon for Potions. Sirius examined his fingers. He knew he was being rather horrid, doing this to James. But what James didn't know wouldn't hurt him. He couldn't let James find out. He strode to the stairs, went up them, and got ready for a poisoning hour of Divination.

After Divination was over, Sirius calmly went down the ladder and headed toward the grounds. Suddenly, someone cut in front of him. "Oh, Moony, not now." Sirius sighed.

"Padfoot, you can't skip class again."

"Can and am. Please."

"Do it again after this, and I'll report you. No more than one class, Padfoot." He walked away. Sirius shrugged off his words. Remus said that every time he caught him cutting class. Remus was also in a moody character this week. The full moon was Saturday. Sirius headed across the grounds to a hidden shady spot by the lake. He found Lily, waiting patiently for him. She stood.

"Hello, Sirius."

"Hello, Beautiful."

"Sirius, why did you encourage me to say yes to James? You know I don't like him, and now I can't see you without feeling guilty…"

"Don't worry, Baby Bird, its okay." He brought her close to him and ran his hand through her hair. "He won't find out." Like every meeting they kissed and moved back into the shelter of trees.

"Sirius, I can't stay as long today. I was wondering if you wanted to, well, get together on Saturday night? We have all the time in the world, then…."

Sirius felt hot. "But… that's the full moon…" he stammered.

"I know." She grinned wickedly. "That's the point, silly." Sirius began to sweat.

"Beautiful, I don't know…."

"Is there a problem? There's not another girl, is there, oh God, Sirius…"

"No, it's just… I…" He looked at her beautiful, pleading eyes." Alright, love, I'll meet you here at 6:00." He felt defeated, and turned away so she wouldn't see his eyes.

At 5:30 on Saturday, Sirius went up to James. "I'm… not going to be able to make it to the Whomping Willow tonight, I… I'm busy." James just stared at him for a second.

"What's so important that you have to miss the one night Moony needs you most?"

"I… well…" Sirius was becoming flustered. "I just need to have some time alone." James glared.

"Do what you like, Padfoot, but I thought you would have more respect for your friends." His voice was steadily rising. Attracted by the noise, a short boy hurried over to them.

"Hello Wormtail." James spat, still casting furious looks in Sirius' direction.

"What's going on?" Peter looked from Sirius to James inquisitively.

"Padfoot," James hissed darkly, "Is not coming with his dear friends tonight. He, apparently, has better things to do." Peter looked questioningly at Sirius.

"He's bluffing, right?"

"No, he is not bluffing, could you just leave me be? It's only one night."

"One night, one night that is very important! You know what? Fine. Just go wherever you need to be." James drew in a breath.

"Prongs, tell Moony, will you? I just don't want to deal with it…." Sirius said quietly.

"Damn right you don't." James said in mock casualty. "Sure, I'll tell him." Sirius headed away, past Remus, who raised his eyes questioningly up at Sirius, who shook his head and picked up the pace out of the common room.

The moment Sirius was out of the front doors, a wave of cool night air hit his face, and he relaxed. He hurried across the grounds to that same spot by the lake. He was here first this time, and he sat down to wait. Only a few minutes had passed when Sirius saw Lily's figure coming toward him across the grounds. He stood, and she came up to him. Sirius never usually noticed was she was wearing, but today it was hard not to. She had thrown off her robes and was wearing a loose blouse (that was already unbuttoned 3 or 4 buttons,) and a short skirt. Sirius eyed her, then took her back into the woods, then farther back, father than he had taken her before. They stopped and he took her face in his hands and brought it up to his face. She smiled and he readied himself for the shower of kisses. As they embraced, they moved further into the woods. Sirius kissed her lips, face, neck… at the moment he felt no regret upon missing tonight's full moon. Dark gathered around them, and they still moved deeper into the forest, not even worried about the stories they had heard. Sirius glanced up at the sky and saw the full moon between the trees.

"Sirius…" Lily whispered. He turned back to her. Then, amongst the silence, they heard a splitting howl. Lily gasped. "What was that?"

"Don't worry, Beautiful. I'll protect you from anything these woods throw at us. She smiled and let go of him to unbutton the last buttons on her blouse and to let it fall down on her shoulders. Sirius gazed at her face. This longing radiating from her made him want her more. He grabbed her and they kept kissing, Lily letting her blouse all the way off her arms down to the ground. Suddenly she screamed and Sirius turned to face, a few paces away, and eyes staring through the darkness. The eyes came closer, and Lily whimpered. Sirius blocked her against a tree to shield her. A werewolf stepped out of the shadows and lifted it's face to the moon. He howled and Lily shrieked and began to sob. "Moony!" Sirius recognized his friend. "Moony, it's me, please…" The werewolf lashed out at him, catching his arm. Sirius felt his shirt and skin rip. "Moony…"

A stag burst through the trees and lashed at the wolf, beating him, and pushing his back. Moony whimpered and bounded out of sight, the stag Prongs turned to face Sirius with questioning hurt eyes. Sirius looked back, aware that Lily was sheltering behind him still. The stag turned and cut through the dark after the world. Sirius turned to Lily, who was breathing heavily. She looked dazed and collapsed against him. "Alright Beautiful, that's enough for tonight." Sirius cradled her in his arms and kissed her before carrying her up to the castle, into the common room, and letting her stumble up the stairs.

The next day, James rounded on him, but not in the way Sirius expected. "Padfoot! You didn't tell me there was a girl involved! I can understand that. What all did you do?" Sirius just looked away. "I mean, you did get her shirt off, right?" Sirius pushed him away and went over to Remus, who was hiding in a corner. "Moony." Sirius started.

"Don't say anything." Remus said weakly. "I almost killed you, I… I can't believe it, oh Sirius…" Sirius looked at him.

"It was me, not you. I should've been there…"

"Just leave me, please." Sirius was taken aback, but left Remus. He went and sat on the stairs in front of Hogwarts. He felt someone come up behind him.

"Sirius?" It was Lily. She came down and put her arm around him. "Sirius, it's okay."

"No. I almost got you killed, and, oh, Lily." He stared into Lily's eyes. So green and forgiving…

Sirius lifted his head, crashing back to reality. For a moment, she still felt her arms around him, and he could almost see those eyes that weren't there. A gentle rain had begun to fall. Sirius gazed around at the mutilated house. He was crying freely now. 'Sirius, it's okay!' kept echoing in his mind; over and over… it wasn't okay. They were all gone. He fingered Lily's ring and slipped it on his finger, letting the cold of it sting. Rain fell harder and Sirius stood. He heard a crack and turned to face Remus. "Remus…. What?" Lupin tore his eyes from the house.

"Sirius, the ministry found out about you being secret keeper. They're looking for you…"

"But I'd never… you know that, I passed it to Wormtail. Remus, you know… right?" Remus looked sadly at him.

"I'm not sure anymore, Sirius." He apparated. Sirius stood, shocked for a second, then screamed to the sky.

"I'm innocent, why now? Hasn't it already been too much? I'm inn…" He cut off and a thought crossed his mind. He had gone behind James' back, cheated with Lily… caused an unknown heartbreak. Sirius knew this. "I'm guilty," he thought helplessly. "Guilty, guilty, oh god…" He let out one last heartbroken cry, before forming into Padfoot. A wretched dog, bear-like and huge. With nowhere to turn and nothing to leave behind, he raced to hide in the gathering shadows of night and despair.

A/N: Thanks for reviewing! More chapters yet to come; please review, it makes me write faster! I'm sorry it took so long to write this chapter… I have to wait for when I can go to my friend's house so I can type the chapters, since I don't have a comp… well, anyways, R&R!


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